Mixed Emotions

Mixed Emotions

Monday morning of this week brought with it a whole host of emotions I wasn’t expecting to have.  This week marks my last week of teaching.  With baby Molly’s arrival expected any day now, my days as a working mom are coming to an end.  I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t excited.  In fact, there doesn’t seem to be an adjective appropriate to adequately explain the sheer joy and excitement that I’m feeling about this new adventure.  I’ve wanted to be a stay at home mom since Parker was born and after lots of prayers and loads of patience, it is finally happening.

However, I’d also be lying if I said this didn’t feel weird.  I’ve been teaching almost 10 years.  I’ve been waking up at the crack of dawn, leaving my sleeping family at home, and driving almost an hour to this building for the last 8 years.  As I’ve hit snooze each morning, quietly sneaked around the house trying not to wake everybody up, and then spent an hour (or more, some mornings) in the car, it seems so unreal.  There are aspects I will miss.  I love teaching.  I love writing lessons and seeing kids “get it” and helping those kids who don’t get it quite as easily.  I don’t love all the junk that comes with teaching; all the paperwork, added responsibilities, dealing with adults who act like children, and kids who act inhumane at times.

I’m going to miss (some) of the people I work with, I might eventually miss getting “dressed” everyday, but what I’m gaining is so much more.  I won’t miss any more school events or class parties or parent-teacher conferences.  No more scrambling when school holidays don’t line up or when sick days arise.  No more tearful phone calls from Parker in the mornings because he didn’t get to tell me bye (let me tell you how much those rip your heart out).  I’m excited to have play dates and lunch dates and not have to spend our weekends running errands that can’t be done during the week.  I can’t wait to not be scrambling to cook dinner after working all day.  I know there will be days that I’m bored or even miss the classroom.  I know there will be days that I wish I had a “real job”.  But the opportunity to spend my days with my babies is a blessing I just can’t pass up.

Walking out of my building tomorrow afternoon will be incredibly surreal.  I’m nervous, scared, and a little sad.  But, way beyond that, I’m thankful, happy, and so incredibly excited.  So long teaching (maybe just for now, maybe forever)…its been a great 10 years!

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